So, I got married last week. It was magical! For me, at least.
In the days leading up to the wedding, my friend Alex kept asking me how I felt. I didn’t have an answer for her (which is very strange for me—I always have emotions and feelings!!). All I could say was that I didn’t feel stressed or anxious or nervous.
I was happy and excited—but not more excited than I had been since Russell and I decided to get married. It’s been like 10 months of constant happiness that I love him and he loves me back and that we promise to love each other forever. But, the happiness wasn’t stronger now that the wedding was just days away.
Each time she asked me, I felt bad that I didn’t have any emotions. I might not know bridal etiquette and how a ceremony is supposed to run, but I do know that brides are supposed to have emotions! I kept wondering: what does this mean?!
Now that I’m away from the situation, I finally identified what I was feeling. I had an inner peace. No stress. Calm. Relaxed.
These are new feelings for me! I can’t remember another time that I’ve been truly relaxed like that. Where the whole world felt right. Where there was no uncertainty, no worrying, no wondering what else I should be doing.
Once I got back to DC and stress set in again, I realized that the nothing feeling was really just the absence of stress. I used to think that stress was my friend—it motivates me to get things done, helps me stay on top of things, makes life feel like it’s constantly moving forward.
But, I have to say, being truly relaxed was really great! I was still on top of things and life was still moving forward. But, this time, I could enjoy it. I could relish the good things instead of fretting over the bad things. I could marvel at what had been accomplished, instead of what was lacking.
I’d like to say that I can harness this feeling and use it to adopt a more relaxed outlook in life. Honestly, though, that’s just not realistic. I stress out if I go too long with no stress. I can, though, vow to find relaxation more regularly and cherish those moments of peace.